So often, our forward movement comes to a screeching halt because we simply don’t keep our word to ourselves. We make promises (“Tomorrow I’ll get up early and go to the gym”), and then break them (“Awww, it’s raining, I think I’ll stay in bed. I’ll go to the gym on my way home”) – often for reasons we don’t even understand. Which brings me to what might be an uncomfortable question: How good are you to your word?
With this very simple analogy in mind, where are we in our recovery? If we are not doing what we say we are doing on even the most minor details in life.
“Every time we speak, we create a road of some sort. The quality of that road, and how far it goes, will be directly related to the integrity of our word.”
The roads begin with us, it matters most and first that we are honest with ourselves, that we do and say what we are going to do. The truth is your recovery starts and ends on this principle. If while you go through this process you can re-instill in yourself the trust that you have lost, then nurture it back into full blown integrity, then you are armed against all sorts of negative behavior that has corrupted you in the past.
Integrity becomes completely interlaced with all levels of our personal success.
Big or small lies effect every aspect of integrity, none more harmful to the recovering addict than that of our personal boundaries
“The dictionary describes the word “lie” in the following way:
v 1. to say something that is not true in a conscious effort to deceive somebody, 2. to give a false impression; n 1. a false statement made deliberately, 2. a false impression created deliberately.
In all four of these descriptions, one thing stands out clearly: that lying is something we do deliberately – that our purpose for lying is to intentionally deceive. Obviously, this type of activity seems at odds with being “nice.” How is it that we can consider ourselves good people and include lying? We may think our lying is for a good reason: to keep from hurting someone’s feelings, to smooth over conflict or to make someone happy. After all, what does it hurt to tell a little white lie every once in a while?
“What lying does, as a rule, is to create multiple realities. When you lie, reality splits – it “dis-integrates.” You now have one reality that you know and live in, knowing the “truth” about a particular issue, and the reality that the people to whom you’ve lied live in, which is designed around somewhat or totally different information. The people to whom you have lied make decisions and choices based on the reality they inhabit, but it’s a different reality than the one you inhabit, so that split will now influence your relationship and your common future.”
Cat Thompson – Walking your path, the path of personal integrity
Overcoming your addictive behavior will be a lifetime struggle, fair to say everyone, addict or not, struggles on one level or another with integrity. It is how we approach this value that actually defines, to ourselves, who we really are. This is a key to moving forward from the unmanageable life you have created.
This requires acknowledgement that getting clean is not the only goal, that no longer searching out our D.O.C. is not the only commitment we should make to yourself. We must foster a sober mentality that speaks to how all of our future problems will be solved. It speaks to stepping up into the messes we sometimes find ourselves in, and using the key principles of integrity to get through them. The really easy way to look at this is on a deserted island…. Okay so as an addict you find yourself stuck for months on a deserted island, no communication and no chance of drinking or getting high, well congrats, you are clean, but what do you think might happen the day you get back to the mainland… of course without thought many of us in our addiction would be high or drunk before nightfall. The reality is sobriety and the decision to get sober comes before the using ended. This brings us to the bottom of a very long staircase called recovery. Hopefully by thought and deed you have a commitment to integrity and sobriety in your program. The ice we will tread staying clean can be very thin. We need to utilize this message and others to provide the tools to stay sober.
Moving to make personal integrity and sobriety a number one goal and focus in our lives, moves us to create an environment of better discipline, wiser choices, better health, and fewer conflicts. As I review my own personal life, then and now, it is astonishing to me how much time was spent outside of anything real, as I continued to lie to myself, my realities changed. I am now more acutely aware of the things I say and do, first and foremost to myself, my children, family, friends, and of course at work. I am careful when stepping through the mine field of being a word class bullshitter. If I tell my kids, my friend, or family something is going to happen, then it happens. Not just for me, but for them, and who deserves it more?
Believe me when I say you build this wall back brick by tedious brick, so many will question so much about what you say and do as you start to recover, and why shouldn’t they? This is about patience and knowing for yourself that you are, who you say you are, making clear choices and moving forward through recovery is not about staying clean, it is about staying sober, and this is really all that you can control. Now that feels and sounds like serenity.
“Do the right thing, at the right time, no matter how you feel about doing it.”
“I choose…to live by choice, not by chance. To make changes, not excuses. To be motivated, not manipulated. To be useful, not used. To excel, not compete. I choose self-esteem, not pity. I choose to listen to my inner voice, not the random opinion of others.”
Found on internet no credit posted.