Henri Bergson, the French philosopher, said,
“All the great thinkers of humanity have left happiness in the vague so that each of them could define their own terms.”
“Well, that would be fine if it was just a secondary preoccupation in life. But now, if it is something that is going to determine the quality of every instant of our life, then we better know what it is, have some clearer idea. And probably, the fact that we don’t know that is why, so often, although we seek happiness, it seems we turn our back to it. Although we want to avoid suffering, it seems we are running somewhat towards it. And that can also come from some kind of confusions.”
Matthieu Ricard, Biochemist now Buddhist Monk
This particular topic is near and dear to me. I have in my own mind been pursuing happiness for the better part of my life, it took near death and more than 90 days at Alpine for me to realize, I had been running the wrong way nearly my entire life.
How do we define happiness? What does it feel like? Look like?
Research has shown that long-term happiness, feeling contented with life, stems from feeling and being in charge of as much of our life as possible. It’s not about smiling all the time nor does it stem from money or health, but a self-belief you are on the road you want to be on.
The problem many of us face however is that we live out of sync with what matters most to us and we find ourselves doing a lot more things we don’t like, meaning the things that contribute most to our happiness slip-off our agenda.
One of the most common reasons people seek life coaching is because they have an overall sense of unhappiness and lack of fulfilment. By helping increase self-awareness, coaching brings an understanding of where you are in your life and how you get to where you want to be.
The real trouble is addicts tend to not only move the wrong way from happiness, we tend to race away from it, caught in a spiral that leads to more and more unhappiness. If we take happiness to mean that our life lines up with our goals, and we understand at the true depth of what we are, is spiritual beings having a human experience, than any time our life does not fall in line with the greatness of our spirit we feel a deep sense of unhappiness, this grows into a lack of fulfillment, pain, suffering, and for addicts that summarizes the reasons we used and escaped. It does not mean everyone fits this perfectly, it means if it sticks you need to look at it.
Let’s look at a few basic, guidelines. Evaluate the truth in these things in each of our lives.
- Being spontaneous & playful (Laura this is where you come in)
- Making a difference in others’ lives
- Making an effort to be grateful, joyful, and happier. No one can do this for you!
- Be kind to YOURSELF
- Be kind to others
With these guidelines in place ask the real questions, this won’t happen overnight!
- What is meaningful to you
- What brings you a deep sense of satisfaction, thus bringing you happiness?
- Little things bring joy, reignite old passion, painting, writing, drawing, sports, hunting, fishing, hiking, spending quality time with family and friends.
Family and friends is a huge one for me, I was all about isolation, and truly had lost touch with all of my brothers, my sister, certainly my friends and my kids all were on the outside when I was using. Finding new “real” friends and being a father to my kids are my single greatest joys in life. Even when things are hard, I can find gratitude in the fact that my children now trust me enough to share a trouble, or ask advice, or just call to say hi.
(Insert huge emotional moment when writing this)
- Finally if you have found or have real reasons these things won’t work, let’s take our tried and true steps.
Step 12
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
This leads us right into service, finding ways to share what we have with others is a clear and easy way to start a journey to happiness. These things contribute to the sense of meaning our lives need and our happiness craves. We find chances and opportunities to grow and believe me when I say, the God of your understanding will find a way to put people in front of you.