Tag: procrastination

So what does happiness look like?

Henri Bergson, the French philosopher, said,

“All the great thinkers of humanity have left happiness in the vague so that each of them could define their own terms.”

“Well, that would be fine if it was just a secondary preoccupation in life. But now, if it is something that is going to determine the quality of every instant of our life, then we better know what it is, have some clearer idea. And probably, the fact that we don’t know that is why, so often, although we seek happiness, it seems we turn our back to it. Although we want to avoid suffering, it seems we are running somewhat towards it. And that can also come from some kind of confusions.”

Matthieu Ricard,  Biochemist now Buddhist Monk

This particular topic is near and dear to me. I have in my own mind been pursuing happiness for the better part of my life, it took near death and more than 90 days at Alpine for me to realize, I had been running the wrong way nearly my entire life.

How do we define happiness? What does it feel like? Look like?

Research has shown that long-term happiness, feeling contented with life, stems from feeling and being in charge of as much of our life as possible. It’s not about smiling all the time nor does it stem from money or health, but a self-belief you are on the road you want to be on.

The problem many of us face however is that we live out of sync with what matters most to us and we find ourselves doing a lot more things we don’t like, meaning the things that contribute most to our happiness slip-off our agenda.

One of the most common reasons people seek life coaching is because they have an overall sense of unhappiness and lack of fulfilment. By helping increase self-awareness, coaching brings an understanding of where you are in your life and how you get to where you want to be.

The real trouble is addicts tend to not only move the wrong way from happiness, we tend to race away from it, caught in a spiral that leads to more and more unhappiness.  If we take happiness to mean that our life lines up with our goals, and we understand at the true depth of what we are, is spiritual beings having a human experience, than any time our life does not fall in line with the greatness of our spirit we feel a deep sense of unhappiness, this grows into a lack of fulfillment, pain, suffering, and for addicts that summarizes the reasons we used and escaped. It does not mean everyone fits this perfectly, it means if it sticks you need to look at it.

Let’s look at a few basic, guidelines. Evaluate the truth in these things in each of our lives.

  • Being spontaneous & playful (Laura this is where you come in)
  • Making a difference in others’ lives
  • Making an effort to be grateful, joyful, and happier. No one can do this for you!
  • Be kind to YOURSELF
  • Be kind to others

With these guidelines in place ask the real questions, this won’t happen overnight!

  • What is meaningful to you
  • What brings you a deep sense of satisfaction, thus bringing you happiness?
  • Little things bring joy, reignite old passion, painting, writing, drawing, sports, hunting, fishing, hiking, spending quality time with family and friends.

Family and friends is a huge one for me, I was all about isolation, and truly had lost touch with all of my brothers, my sister, certainly my friends and my kids all were on the outside when I was using. Finding new “real” friends and being a father to my kids are my single greatest joys in life. Even when things are hard, I can find gratitude in the fact that my children now trust me enough to share a trouble, or ask advice, or just call to say hi.

(Insert huge emotional moment when writing this)

  • Finally if you have found or have real reasons these things won’t work, let’s take our tried and true steps.

Step 12

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

This leads us right into service, finding ways to share what we have with others is a clear and easy way to start a journey to happiness.  These things contribute to the sense of meaning our lives need and our happiness craves. We find chances and opportunities to grow and believe me when I say, the God of your understanding will find a way to put people in front of you.

OVERCOMING PROCRASTINATION Saturday July 1st Presentation

We don’t even need to go to the World Wide Web for this definitions. This is one of those recovery discussions that everyone reading it knows exactly what this is. Some may be much better than others, but everyone procrastinates. The real easy definition is putting off until later something you should be doing right now.

Identify

So with respect to procrastination the very first thing that you need to do to begin the process of overcoming it, is identify that you are doing it.  Sometimes it is beyond easy to see yourself doing this, other times you are covertly doing this to yourself. Great example of both for me.

  • Obvious;

I wake up ready to go to the gym, however somehow in the first 10 minutes of the morning I talk myself into just going later that night. Without any real reason to do so.

  • Covert;

I have 63 warranty claims that need to be processed, but I find fifty other things to occupy my time, then I can just tell myself I have been too busy to be caught up on warranty.

These are very simple examples, but you can begin to see that we are not always making a completely honest choice to procrastinate, at times we are letting circumstances or habits dictate how we establish our priorities. With that said there may be times where putting off a task or duty is acceptable it may just be a matter of placing a lower priority on the task, this is not procrastination.  Ignoring, deflecting, or just flat not doing high priority task leads to a deeper levels of procrastination and obviously as addicts, procrastination can lead to a fatal outcome on countless levels.  So we must first set proper priorities and we must recognize that we are procrastinating.

Ask yourself am I procrastinating or prioritizing?

Next we need to determine what about the item is causing us to put it off, the obvious answer would be perceived pain or difficulty.  However careful evaluation could lead us to find out the procrastination is like a ghost of previous pain, or a simple habit.

  • Perceived pain easy example to discuss, you need to get your driver’s license renewed, you put this off for weeks because you perceive a long wait at the DMV and just cannot face it.
  • Previous pain or habit, you let mail go weeks without opening it because at one point in your life everything was from a bill collector or an attorney (personal experience). Despite not having this problem for years, I still get nervous and tense going to the mail box, so I simple don’t go I PROCRASTINATE!

Important to establish is it you or is it something about the task or item.

Will it hurt, is it hard, am I capable, have I failed before, it is scary, I don’t want to know, I already know, is it boring, will it matter

.  Finally a key and contributor, is under developed, or addict brain, this can lead to improper decision making. This leads to under or over estimating the task and or its priority. You need to carefully consider where your brain is, what stage of recovery are you in? Reach out, ask a sober support friend or sponsor.

Time to formulate a strategy

Overcoming procrastination will take time and effort, because it becomes a habit, it will not happen overnight. The strategies you develop will assist you in identifying, asking, and then overcoming the need to procrastinate. Here are some of my strategies, now take them with a grain of salt because I am still working hard on procrastination myself.

  • Make it fun or reward yourself, this is simply making daunting tasks into a game, I like doing this with my kids when it comes time to clean up. It immediately becomes a fun contest, I also hate and I mean hate grocery shopping, so I make my kids go, then we all wager on the final bill. It is just a simple little things that makes it less hard to do.
  • Reach out, share your struggle with a peer or support, let them help you talk through it and this can add to a measure of accountability.
  • Be honest about the upside and the downside, remember it is never as bad as your thought, and never as good as you hoped. So walk through the rear reward or consequence of performing the task.
  • Determine if you need help or not, this is always tough, a lot of times we just put off tasks we either don’t fully understand or we cannot do ourselves. Hmmmmm let me think if I have an example here. Oh yes I do…..MY RECOVERY! I PUT OFF MY RECOVERY! This is a prime example of this procrastination.
  •  Commit to move forward, this simply means make progress. Yes of course somethings represent huge challenges, like recovery, moves, career changes, relationships, and the like. This means that we should adopt the proactive “move forward” approach. Set small goals related to the area of focus. Acknowledge that maybe you can’t or it should be done all at once instead Focus on eating the elephant one bite at a time. This formula not only helps overcome procrastination, it gives you a pile measure of success on a daily basis.
  •  Put it in writing, review the things you have to do, put them in writing and then evaluate the items. Do they have proper priority? This is a good opportunity to see if you are procrastinating, or just prioritizing. It will also create an environment of thought where you can practice, review, and evaluate both your priorities and your thought process. Remember this stuff matters because chances are your addiction has effected your brain, and as you heal so will your brain. This means today’s priority might be tomorrows “I don’t give shit”. Writing it down will really help you monitor this.

We have established that in order to overcome procrastination you really need to identify that you are doing it. For me this has been about knowing I do it and the practice of not doing it.  Having been diagnosed at Alpine with Generalized Anxiety disorder I took this very seriously. With that said one thing I noticed was that I procrastinated everything, I would let situations move to critical stages in order to determine the priority. Now in my addiction this made perfect sense to me, because I didn’t have any money, I never wanted to talk to anyone, and I just numbed out all these emotions and stress. Well that is not real life. Life requires attention to little details like the IRS in order to move forward, then we have bills, families, deadlines, personal health, etc. With all that said I simply pay close attention to my habits now, I pay my bills when they come, I go to the mailbox twice a week, I open all mail immediately, and then I handle my shit. Now I have said I am still guilty of procrastinating, so when I catch myself doing it, this usually starts with stuff I am putting off popping into my head and starting a little anxiety, the moment, and I mean the moment I recognize this I act. I simply refuse to let any of these thoughts follow me around and hi-jack me.

One more important idea!

Okay do not over think it, this has also been a productive method for overcoming my bad procrastinating habits. I mentioned the gym earlier, it has been a source of huge lessons in this process. I enrolled in May of last year in a fitness program by doing this I committed to a gym membership and to go at least three times a week. Thus the landscape was set for Chris as his worst procrastinating self.  I immediately started thinking about when I should go, what days, how long etc. I noticed after several months it was not getting any easier. I sought help in the form of audio books. I listened to Shaun Achor’s book called the “Happiness Advantage”, in it he talks about his struggles with the gym and how he solved them, so i simply used his formula. I eliminated every excuse. I started wearing my gym close to work, under my work clothes, then because I leave at rush hour I decided to use that time for the gym so I found a location that was on my way home. Then that is where I spent that previously wasted time. Then instead of 3 times a week I decided to go every day. This eliminated three major excuses; Clothes, time, and when to go. Then I just went, I didn’t think about it before I went, I didn’t map out my day around it, I just let it be part of my routine. This was 5 months ago, since that time with very limited exceptions I have been to the gym every day.

This is a process that will require thought and commitment on your part. Just remember! It is never as good as you hope, and never as bad as you thought. JUST DO IT!

“The great irony and lesson in procrastination, is that by avoiding unpleasant things in order to not feel bad, it almost always makes us feel worse.”